About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
