Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
