Small penises have feelings too.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
