rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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