awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
BRING THE BAGELS
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
