He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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