Can Purell be used as lube?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
