if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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