you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
MIDGETS
????
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
