She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
