She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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