ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
