I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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