Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
