Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Is Oprah even human
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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