We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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