I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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