Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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