then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
