He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You made out with two different species that night
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
