The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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