Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
