Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
