i just google imaged poop.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
