I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
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