its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
