I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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