Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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