I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
