you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
