BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
