the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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