We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm just crazy horny about you
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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