Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
