Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
