Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
