Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
