I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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