Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
