If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
