i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
