I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
