guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
