babies were throwing up all over the place
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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