But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
ttyl tear gas
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
