Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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