so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
