I just cut my nipple shaving
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize