I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
