just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
