Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
