I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
