I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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