She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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