whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
