Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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