I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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