New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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