I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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