im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
