you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
