all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
