I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
