and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
