This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
