I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
