I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
