I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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